


What You Mean To Me

by ellie_renee91



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Past Relationship(s), Post-Break Up, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:07:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24898183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellie_renee91/pseuds/ellie_renee91
Summary: Written for a song themed writing challenge to incorporate some of the lyrics from The One That Got Away by Katy Perry
Relationships: Peter Parker/Reader, Peter Parker/You
Kudos: 15





	What You Mean To Me

Standing in the kitchen and seeing a shadow on your fire escape, you slowly walk towards the living room window that’s on the other side of the one the dark figure is looking through.

The dark figure doesn’t seem to have seen you in the kitchen and as the light catches the side of his face partially hidden by the hood on his hoodie, you suck in a sharp breath. You haven’t seen him in years, however you’d know that face anywhere.

Quickly walking over towards the window, you unlatch it and slide it open in one quick motion. 

Having not seen you walk up to the window on his right, the abrupt noise causes Peter to jerk back and he quickly reaches up to drop the hood from his head with wide eyes.

Your apartment was dark, minus the little light coming from the lamp on the entry table near the front door, so he was leaning closer to the window than he probably should have as he attempted to see if you were home.

“Hey-- umm hey y/n…” Peter trails off, clearing his throat and instantly hating how the first thing he’s said to you in years sounded even to his own ears.

Raising a brow you set your hands on the windowsill “Wha-- what are you doing here, Peter?”

Peter opens his mouth, trying to quickly come up with an excuse as to why he’s out here when he never intended for you to see him in the first place.

You however don’t give him a chance as you lift your hand up, making a noise before you think better of it and question further “No, no-- better question… _why_ are you on my fire escape peeping in the window like a creepy psycho?”

“I wasn’t peeping” he lamely defends and you can’t even help the scoff that falls from your lips which causes him to breathe out deeply “Look, I know it’s been a little bit--”

“Six years,” you interrupt and stand up from your lean, crossing your arms over your chest as your eyes drop to the floor by your feet “But sure we can go with a little bit if the time has flown by that quickly for you.”

Peter grimaces with your words, quickly clearing his face when you look back up at him with your questioning gaze.

The moment your eyes connect with his, Peter feels like the wind was knocked out of him. He hasn’t been able to really look at you, be this close to you, in entirely too long and he’s missed you. That was a fact he’s been painfully aware of for years, however, standing here in front of you, hearing your voice again-- the pain of losing you is even stronger.

Completely confused at seeing this unexpected guest, you feel a little anxious as you look at him “You gonna answer me about what you’re doing on my fire escape after all this time... this late at night?”

Peter reaches up and scratches behind his head, stammering “I was-- I uh, I was just in the neighborhood and wanted to see how you were doing”

The look you throw him has him inwardly groaning at how lame and absolutely ridiculous that sounded considering the history between you too. 

He immediately wants to just fall off your fire escape and let the ground swallow him whole with your next words “Tonight-- you just decided _tonight_ to drop by and check in with me after an out of the blue breakup that bled into radio silence for six years?”

Peter scrunches his nose up into a grimace, that after all this time he still has the nerve to look adorable doing, before he croaks out “I uh-- yeah, I guess that’s how it’s looking...”

Jerking your head back and attempting to wrap your head around what’s happening, ultimately you give up on rationalizing his actions “Peter-- you know, I have no idea what you were hoping to accomplish when you climbed the fire escape but what the actual fuck are you doing here?”

“It’s been a crazy week and I just wanted to see you-- to talk to you, I miss just getting to talk to you” he admits and it’s not entirely untrue to what caused him to wander over to the rooftop of your building and ultimately climb down the fire escape to hopefully get a glimpse of you.

You and Peter had been dating the summer going into your senior year and just over a year later, the week after graduation, Peter had started becoming distant. Disappearing a lot more than usual and his reasons were even more vague as to why than they usually were.

Peter was getting more and more concerned with the amount of people who were quickly learning his identity and he couldn’t fathom the idea that something might happen to you because of him.

So he did what he promised himself he would never do to you… he broke your trust-- he hurt you in order to keep you safe in the only way he knew how.

Your relationship ending didn’t keep him from staying away though. Every few months, in between Uni classes or late at night, Peter would find himself seeking you out and getting any form of the comfort you used to always be able to give him. 

Even getting to see you for only a few seconds was enough to ground him back to reality, enough to let him breathe again-- which was what he was in need of tonight.

“Well I really don’t think that after everything I can just pick up where we left off and be your friend who checks in with a chat, Peter,” your voice snaps him back to the current situation and he flinches from your words.

You never called him Peter before-- it was always Pete. So hearing his full name wrapped in your sweet voice sounded completely foreign to him, another punch to the gut of just how drastically different things were between you now.

Peter shakes his head, trying to fix the situation that is quickly getting out of hand “I didn’t mean--”

“You hurt me, you know?” you interrupt him sharply, tears warning of their impending arrival by the sting in your nose. You lick your lips quickly, offering a quick humorless laugh as your eyes move between his and settle on his shoulder “I mean after all this time are you even aware of that?”

“Yes” he croaks, nodding as his own eyes find the metal of the fire escape below his feet.

“Oh well-- good. I mean at least you’re _aware_ ” you quip and Peter closes his eyes, quickly reaching up to scratch the side of his head.

He takes a second before he looks back over at you, dropping his hand down to his side “Seeing you is making me nervous and I’m not good at this y/n. I haven’t thought about what to say to you or how to apologise or-- I just, I’m not-- I’m not saying what I want to be saying.”

You soften your face at that, never having the heart to stay upset at him for long especially when he throws in his nervous rambling.

So against your better judgement you take a deep breath and release it slowly, stepping to the side of the open window “Do you-- would you like to come inside?”

Peter snaps his shocked and hesitant eyes to yours, the question of if you’re sure evident in his bright brown eyes.

You uncross one of your arms and indicate towards the living room “You said you needed to chat and it’s freezing out there-- so come in for a little bit… please?”

Not having to be told twice, Peter grips onto the strap of his backpack tighter in one hand and grips onto the windowsill with the other as he swiftly maneuvers himself through the open window.

Shutting the window behind him he turns around just as you move over to the light switch, flooding the living room in a soft warm glow.

Peter moves his eyes around and smiles at the little touches of decor throughout the room that make him think entirely of you. 

It reminds him of your room when he got to call you his, however there’s also something different to your taste in how you put the room together-- you grew up.

That thought brings a sad smile to his face and he breathes in a deep calming breath, immediately savoring the sweet smell around him that is just _you_.

You indicate towards the soft grey L-shaped couch with your hand, Peter following and dropping the strap of his backpack from his shoulder and onto the floor as he sits down.

Keeping a couch cushion length between you both you step past him and sit down as well, crossing your legs up onto the seat with you.

Wanting the silence to just end, you make a noise and turn towards him a little “How’s May?” you question, thankful for the thought that popped into your head.

Hearing your voice again sends shivers down his arms and he tightens his grip on the strap of his backpack a little more before he finally lets go of his bag “She’s good, her and Happy are still together and doing really well.”

You smile a genuine smile with those words, thrilled her and Happy were together and-- well happy. You always loved May and the easy way she had welcomed you into her home-- her family when you had first started seeing Peter.

Peter turns every so slightly to angle his body towards you while you link your hands together and place them in your lap, clearing your throat “So-- why did you really stop by tonight, Peter?”

He mulls over your words for a few seconds, half to give himself time to come up with a really good excuse and the other half wondering if he should just admit he’s needed you back in his life since the moment you left.

Ultimately he chooses somewhere in the middle of those two options “Would you believe me if I said that breaking up with you hurt me just as much, if not more, and I needed to finally see you?”

“No” you answer right away, not even needing to think about that since he was uncharacteristically cold when he was actually breaking up with you. He couldn’t even look at you while he was saying the words everyone in a high school romance dreads to hear the summer after graduation. 

Peter raises his brows with your response, nodding his head to the side as he argues “Well it’s the truth, y/n, I didn’t want to do it but I didn’t have a choice.”

“I feel like there’s always a choice, Peter-- but…” you trail off and he immediately looks up from the floor, connecting his eyes with yours as your soft voice continues “Why do you feel like you didn’t have one?”

Relishing in the fact that you’re still giving him a chance to talk, Peter licks his lips quickly and rushes out “There’s things about me, things about me that you don’t know and you couldn’t know at the time--”

“That you have a secret identity?” you finish for him and he widens his eyes, his mouth going slack jawed as he stares at you “You--”

“Of course I knew, Peter” you smile sadly, your voice cracking a little with the emotion building up from the memories.

Peter closes his mouth and breathes out deeply through his nose, taking a moment to gather himself before he brings his hands up and rubs them down his face.

He makes a noise and stands up from the couch, moving on the other side of your coffee table so he can start pacing back and forth.

“When did you-- how did you-- why didn’t--” he stammers through his unfinished questions, stopping his steps and facing you completely “ _Why didn’t you say anything to me_?”

Opening your mouth to reply, you shrug a shoulder “I figured if you wanted me to know everything, you’d tell me. Since you didn’t, I gathered you weren’t ready to tell me yet.”

Peter draws his brows inwards, nodding his head a few times as he sets his hands on his hips “I expected you to freak out when you found out and you’re not doing that even a little bit-- you’re calm as ever.”

You smile at him “You’re a superhero who saved me in D.C. and in Venice and in London, and those are just the times I’m actually aware of because I know Spider-Man was a part of a lot of other big world event instances, but you’re still you, Pete.”

Peter softens his face with your words, stepping closer to sit down on your other side once more “And you never were upset I hadn’t told you?”

Shaking your head softly, your eyes drop down to your hands in your lap once more “I kind of figured you may not be telling me because it wasn’t safe to and then when it was-- you’d want to share that part of you with me,” you lift your head back up and connect your eyes with his “But no, I was never going to be mad at you for it.”

“I wanted to tell you-- I _really_ wanted to tell you, I just-- I wanted to keep you safe” Peter confesses and sets his elbows on his knees. He drops his head into his hands, wishing he could take these last six years back and have talked to you about everything then before he made one of the worst decisions he’s ever made.

And you believe him. It may have been the wrong way to go about things and he definitely should have talked to you, but you believe he really thought he was doing the right thing to keep you safe.

So you let him be for the moment, taking comfort in the silence that’s surrounding you both-- a peace that you haven’t felt in a long time.

Peter drops his hands from his face, looking over towards you with unshed tears in his eyes “I never wanted this, with you… with me… with how it is with us now,” he lifts his eyes up to the ceiling quickly, rubbing a hand over his mouth “I wanted it to be us forever.” 

You nod with those words, once believing and wanting the same thing with the two of you.

Peter breathes out deeply, shaking his head like he can’t believe any of this “Not even a week later I knew you were going to be _**the one that got away**_ and I should have told you…”

“Told me what?” you murmur just above a whisper, the sound of your voice thick with emotion making Peter swallow thickly “Everything,” he croaks and lifts a shoulder in a little shrug “About me and what I've been through and done-- about you.”

Sitting up a little more, you pick at non-existent fuzz on your joggers “What about me?”

“ _ **I should'a told you what you meant to me**_ … what you still mean to me now.”

Genuinely curious, you shake your head a little and move to stand up from the couch “How can you say I mean anything to you now when we haven’t been-- when we haven’t been ‘us’ in a long time.”

Peter laughs a quick humorless laugh and lifts his hand up in your direction “Because I never stopped thinking about you, I never lost track of you or what you were accomplishing in your life-- I never stopped loving you.”

“What?” you question immediately, turning around to face him.

He stands up from the couch without missing a beat “You wanted to know the real reason I was here tonight? I never stopped loving you and getting just a _glimpse_ of you makes me feel like I can breathe again,” he takes a step towards you, softening his voice a little “You weren’t supposed to see me, but I’m glad you did and I was given this moment right now because I love you and I’m prepared to do anything to get you back. I won’t survive if I have to continue to refer to you as the one that got away because I need you-- I’ve always needed you in my life.”

Tears well in your eyes with his confession and Peter closes the gap between you both, tentatively setting his hands on the sides of your face. He strokes his thumb over the soft skin of your cheek, lifting the corners of his mouth in a little smile “I really need to be loved by you again.”

You let out a little breath, almost like a chuckle and set your hands on his chest. Clearing your throat you move your eyes up to his with your own confession “Well that’s easy because even after everything-- I never… I never stopped loving you, Pete.”

Hope fills Peter’s chest as he leans forward and rests his forehead against yours, moving his nose against yours gently as his eyes search yours longingly “You didn’t?”

You shake your head gently once before you push up on your toes and meld your lips with his. Peter’s breath catches and he makes a noise low in his throat, his fingers sliding into your hair as he brings you closer against him and moves his lips against yours.

Breathing in deeply through your nose you smile into the kiss and tilt your head to the side, moaning a little once Peter takes the opportunity and deepens the kiss.

Peter kisses you sweetly in a few quick kisses before you both pull away with a soft giggle and connect your eyes with his.

The corners of his eyes crinkle as he smiles brightly at you, his hands moving down your sides to grip onto your waist “Hey, beautiful.”

You laugh softly and wrap your arms behind his neck, sliding your fingers into the hair at the nape of his neck “Hey, Spidey.”

Peter chuckles, pressing his fingers a little more into the skin just above the band of your joggers with the new nickname “I’ve missed you.”

“Yeah well, promise me it’s us against the world now and you won’t have to miss me anymore” you reply cheekily and watch as Peter’s eyes shine with so much love in them as he licks his lips and nods his head once “I promise.”


End file.
